Vicious cycle (恶性循环)

我时常会想，如果我执着于追求 “being free as the bird”, 就能获得真正的自由吗？

那段时间，我在焦虑、执念与自我怀疑之间反复沉沦，像跌进一个没有出口的气流里。渴望被拥抱，也厌恶自己的软弱；想变得无所不能，又害怕那不过是痴心妄想的幻影。欲望像深渊里的灯塔，光芒晃得人以为自己正被指引，却在靠近的途中离地面越走越远。

压抑与爆发是情绪的两条平行线，在旋律里互相拉扯。一个个微小却固执的念头，在脑海深处无休止地转动，藏在结巴的词句里，转不出去的节奏里，左右摇晃的碎声里。

如果把欲望变成执念是一种罪恶，我正在这个罪恶的循环漩涡中不停下坠，可能直到粉身碎骨才会停止。

可我，似乎开始享受恶性循环带来的快感了。

词曲 Songwriting：人锦Renjin

I'm despicable
Like a fish in the bowl thought it owns the world it knows
It's all typical
Leave the moon at the door for its million miles below
What are you scared of
Scared of being free as the bird
Can't see what's up above
Memories drive me forwards and the memories drag me backwards getting lost

I'm despicable
I will say what you want me to if it makes me feel belonged
Unpredictable
Sorry for being weird and awkward to play along
Why do I feel so small
We are not so different after all
Near to a pitfall
I don't wanna lose this round
I just I don't wanna lose this round

I'm a sinner my desire starts from somewhere ends at nowhere
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more
One imposter don't need leisure cuz it's for the weak and torture
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more
The deeper I go the deeper I love...
(Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more)
I'm a sleeper
A fake sleeper I love...
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more

I am nothing special
Even though I tried to fill my palette till it overflows
I'm fallen in nowhere land
Tryna scrabble down my meaning on the sky
Does anyone understand
I don't wanna lose this round
I just I don't wanna lose this round

I'm a sinner my desire starts from somewhere ends at nowhere
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more
One imposter don't need leisure cuz it's for the weak and torture
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more
The deeper I go the deeper I love...
(Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more)
I'm a creeper
A fake sleeper I love...
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more

I'm a sinner my desire starts from somewhere ends at nowhere
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl (always leave me wanting more)
I'm a sinner my desire starts from somewhere ends at nowhere
Vicious cycles spin like vinyl always leave me wanting more

编曲 Arrangement：人锦Renjin
制作人 Producer：人锦Renjin
吉他 Guitar：JAILWHALE/人锦Renjin
混音工程师 Mixing Engineer：李水泽宁 @WaterSound Studio
母带工程师 Mastering Engineer：李水泽宁 @WaterSound Studio
市场宣传 / Marketing & Promotion：Muzi Li @西北土特产/Xinyi Wang @西北土特产
艺人品牌策略 / Artist Branding & Strategy：Muzi Li @西北土特产/Xinyi Wang @西北土特产
封面 Cover Art：(YQ) Yuanqi
Created and recorded at home
Private Cinema Records ©